A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize