Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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