Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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