WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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