There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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