Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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