When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
