Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
is it fun? or sober?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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