It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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