also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
