my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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