You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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