Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
