I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
