You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
