my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
