dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
