It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
