You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
