woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
