yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
