you win again, gameday.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
