...so i touched it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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