I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
