it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
