oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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