dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
