smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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