omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
