Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
