I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
