Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
