She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
