I am puke
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize