Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
