Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
