the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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