you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
