And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
