you have to choose: penises or morals?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
