toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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