We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
