As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
