he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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