We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
