garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize