this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
