it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
