So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
