question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
