Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i think my cat just said my name.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
