Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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