and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's never too late to be topless.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
