was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
