I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
