Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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