he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
