If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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