Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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