we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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