tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
