can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
