you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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