My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So much rum. So many feels.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
