I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Randomize
